Beyond Fear

I think that I have spent most of my life thus far dealing with the fear of failure. Most people probably would not have described me as a fearful person. I have skydived, eaten monkey meat, and am regularly out after dark in my skid row neighborhood. I do not, however, make it my general practice to try things I am not good at. I may make a little attempt at a lot of different things, but when I meet resistance I do not usually persevere. It is almost as if I have promised myself that I will not try as hard as I can because if I actually give it my all and then fail this will be personal damning verdict. So, I routinely give up to 60% to various endeavors and so I can portray to myself and others a daring individual who is living life to the fullest.

The truth is I am scared, and I have only begun to explore what it means to give my all to something. But I have begun the journey.......

It started last Spring when I enrolled in a Kaplan LSAT prep course. I invested a lot of time and money in the course and gave what I thought was enough to get by. I had anticipated scoring in at least the B range given my practice tests, but my score was more around the C range. I was devastated and considered having that be the final verdict on my law career- not good enough. Then something rose within me and I signed up to try the test again. I then gave way over 60% and went on to get a score that was more in the A- range. This try and fail and then try again process of applying to law school has been amazing for my character growth and I'm sure a lesson I will only build upon in the next year as I begin Loyola Law this fall.

My little glimpse of the value of failure and perseverance was given eloquent elaboration in Mark Batterson's In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day. The whole book is a kick- your- butt encouragement to see the opportunity that lies in out fears. One of the most significant points he makes is that the cure for the fear of failure is not success but failure. Previous to my LSAT experience I would have only given timid affirmation of this paradoxical truth, but now I have a more "bring it on" approach to failure. I am trying to identify hidden fears so I can confront them and am looking at the unknown with expectation. I don't know exactly what I will do with my law degree, but isn't that exciting!

Go for it my friend the regrets of inaction are always greater at the end of life than the regrets of action!

"To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways; we do not know what a day ay bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should rather be an expression of breathless expectation."
--Oswald Chambers

"There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which, taken at the flood leads on to fortune.
Omitted, all the voyages of their life
Is bound in shallows an in miseries.
On such a sea we are now afloat;
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.
--Julius Ceasar