I am almost a little embarrassed about enjoying Anne Lamont's Plan B Further Thoughts on Faith She is not the best writer- though I will admit that her style is unique; I don't agree with her political angst, and yet her personal narrative drew me in. It is not even that her life is particularly interesting, but maybe that is why I was intrigued. She mostly talked about her son, her dog, and her Sunday school class- interspersed with diatribes about how Bush is ruining the world. It is refreshing to come across someone who can infuse the mundane with meaning and yet not inflate or exaggerate its significance.
Example: She's recalling what she said when a friend asked her to speak at a college graduation:
"They (parents) want you to love and be loved, and find peace, and laugh and find meaningful work. But they also- they also want you to chase the bunny for a while. To get ahead, sock some money away, and then find a balance between the bunny chase and savoring your life.
But you don't know whether you're going to live long enough to slow down, relax, and have fun, and discover the truth of your spiritual identity. You may not be destined to live a long life; you may not have sixty more years to discover and claim your own deepest truth. As Breaker Morant said, you have to live each day as if it is your last, because one day you are bound to be right.
It might helo if I go ahead and tell you what I think is the truth of your spiritual identity...
Actually I don't have a clue......"
I don't know why I'm drawn to reflections that look so much to the end of life- I also cried through "The Bucket list twice- hopefully it's that I am passionate about making the most of this one and only life!
I spent the past couple of weeks observing life at the Union Rescue Mission's legal aid clinic run by a Pepperdine law professor and her students. In my journey toward law school I wanted to see how people are using law in practical ways to help the marginalized.
Observations that encouraged me:
1. Poverty lawyers seemed a little like counselors hearing people's stories, interpreting what is unsaid and then offering practical help to change the explicitly external circumstances, which inevitably have internal consequences.
2. Being heard and having the justice of their cause affirmed really seemed to be a source of hope for the down and out.
3. Finding the legal aspect of the solution to people's problems involves strategic thinking that recognizes patterns and anticipates responses.
Observations that discouraged me:
1. There was a lot of paperwork- making me wonder how much lawyers are just really smart secretaries that know how to fill out the appropriate forms.
2. The legal terminology is just as elitist as philosophical terminology!
3. A decision to turn one's life around legally is often an uphill, hot in the sun battle for many people.
Overall I walked away with a deep respect for the directing attorney- Brittany Stringfellow- otey. Working to make sure that the client's legal concerns are addressed, and yet holding hands and praying, followed by a call to the local food bank to make sure practical needs were met- she is the real deal!
Reading Brennan Manning is always a penetrating time of invitation toward heart transformation. Although I do not generally read books twice, I was invited to lead a book study on Abba’s Child Abba's Childand am so grateful I did. It has been a couple months, but I am still reflecting on the thought that “Blame is a defensive substitute for honest examination of life that seeks personal growth in failure and self knowledge in mistakes.”
The other night I was talking to a group of pastors who were talking about stories of God doing supernatural miracles in other countries- including raising the dead. Then, as inevitably happens the conversation turned toward to desire for God to do the same thing in our American churches. The usual “answers” were given of how our lack of faith prohibits God’s action. Then, I had a thought that hadn’t occurred to me and maybe should occur to more of us. What if we Americans are supposed to be focused more on raising the dead in other countries where a few dollars would prevent the fatal diseases of malnutrition and malaria. Maybe that is the increase of faith that would cause God to raise both our souls and others bodies from the deathly ashes of self focus.
Every time I have turned on the news lately - admittedly this usually only happens once or twice a week when on the treadmill- the top story focuses on our economic crisis. From economics professors to cooking experts I am given advice on how to save money at the pump, to how to cook with vegetables grown in my yard. Don’t worry I have noticed that gas costs more and food prices have risen. We have even made choices to use public transportation and shop at different stores to offset our costs- but crisis? I don’t know, when I think of the word crisis I think of something that might hurt threaten one’s personal safety or significant aspirations.
I read the Economist so I do realize that my little middle class American life routine is not a good measure of the ripple effect of global food shortages and their effect on the poorest nations, but I am concerned about my little American life. Will I allow the media slowly move my outlook towards a crisis mode that causes my mind to fixate on my finances and our endangered economy, or will I remember what I experienced in January when parents begged us to take their children back to the United States so they would be fed. Our little American lives might be in a crisis.
near this neighborhood and hearing countless stories from the homeless and those that work on their behalf I do not disagree with the latter half of this statement, though I lament the first. My sadness does not result from self- righteous incredulity, as this is a common sentiment that I have often felt myself. I merely think that this perspective is what keeps people from participating in changing the homeless situation.
If recognizing free choice prevents one from handing out a dollar at traffic stops this is justifiable and perhaps even commendable, but if free choice threatens to undermine the compassion that God calls us to, we are living with more than just a theological inconsistency. Free will is one of the biggest risks and gifts bestowed upon humankind and how much more malevolent would we perceive a God who gave us the burden of free will and then refused us compassion and help upon our frequent misuse. If we have ever received compassion when we have chosen poorly in small things, how can we not extend the same grace to those who have chosen poorly in matters of larger consequence. When sin abounds let us ask for the heart to have the compassion it takes to embody God’s heart in which grace abounds all the more.
When I was invited to join the board for the Hollywood Urban project in 2006, I thought I was way out of my league. Then I walked through changing our model, joining an amazing organization called DOOR, after which a few key board members' terms ended and I became chair. I am way out of my element, but am so grateful to DOOR for letting me learn as I try to lead and so relieved that there are books like Doing Good Even Better written by such stars as the former chair Edgar Stoesz of Habitat for Humanity.
I think if someone asked me if I believed all of what is in the Christian Scriptures, I would have to admit that I don't believe all my current interpretations. The way I read some passages in Leviticus would lead me to think of God as vengeful, angry, or even racist. I'll agree with Sam Harris on this one. I am so grateful for the God I see in Jesus and feel assured that there is a way to reconcile this incarnation with what I do not currently understand. The truth is always bigger and more paradoxical than we imagine.
In the midst of trying to live this Christian life: trying to navigate the interpretation of perplexing scripture, live the gospel that is good news to the poor, and make educated political choices that reflect the heart of God for society- I forget what I love about Jesus. Sure I can regurgitate the significance of Jesus' death for my eternal salvation, but to be perfectly honest I would probably have an easier time telling you what I admire about Ghandi or Martin Luther King Jr than I would the historical Jesus. In this regrettable state, I happened to pick up a book that Brad had been given from an author he knows--Margaret Feinberg. The Organic God opened with just the cure for my religiously convoluted mind--a page that asked what you liked about Jesus. As I suspected, coming up with attributes beyond the list of Greek inspired virtues like compassion and justice took a few more minutes than I'd like to admit. Then, I thought of how Jesus confronted narrow-minded traditional religion with the priority of purity of heart that translated into tangible social transformation rather a mere adherence to rules that ensured outward personal piety. What a guy! I need to revisit and add to my list a bit more often.
Before boarding the plane to Port Au Prince my mother in law gave me a book I'd read in high school by brother lawrence- The Practice of the Presence of God. I read it through again and initially didn't think I had gleaned any particularly new wisdom. A few months later though, the book's emphasis of the soul's continual undivided adoration of God continues to ring in my head. I can't seem to escape the simple challenge of the soul's single focus on the love of God- from a lecture given by Dr. Father Benedict Groeschel, to an email sent by a good friend which signed off with the thought that it will all be for naught if we do not in the end find ourselves loving God more. I am not at the point where I consider it all a loss if I do not love God. It might not be as meaningful or as rich of a life if my soul does not learn to love God in the present, but it will still be worth it if my life makes a difference and in the end I see the one whom my heart has always desired. I want to be so attracted to Jesus that I can affirm with brother lawrence that even if there is no eternal salvation, my being delights to love and serve him.
"...Take me to you, (Jesus); imprison me, for I - Except you'enthrall me, never shall be free; Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me..." John Donne, Holy Sonnet 14
I'm not sure why the bookPunk Monk resonated so deeply with me, perhaps because it chronicles what God is doing in England which appeals to my perception that the British are a little ahead of the game intellectually. I'm somewhat familiar with the ethos of the new monastic movements that my generation is embracing, but this quote in Punk Monk somehow gives some intellectual girth to what my hear draws me to.
It was Dietrich Bonhoeffer who prophesied:
The restoration of the church will surely come from a sort of
new monasticism, which has only in common with the old
an uncompromising attitude of life according to the
Sermon on the Mount in the following of Christ. I believe it
is now to call people together to do this
If the monastic movements of the past were driven by a need to provide an alternative to the compromise in the Church, then how much does our own predicament in the modern church parallel a need for an alternative. We aren't selling indulgences in our services, but our lack of protest against our consumer culture, coupled with our lack of practical priority for the least and the lost might be evidence in favor of a different expression of faith.
When Constantine came to power is 313 AD and initiated that powerfully flawed fusion of the church and the Roman empire, true followers of Christ sought to provide another representation of the way of Christ. The Desert Fathers of Egypt and the Benedictine orders are just some of the expressions of groups formed in an effort to simply follow Christ in prayer and mercy. Although every "escape" from the world concerns me, there is something admirable about intentionally countering a compromised culture and church with alternative expressions of the Christian life.
This desire for an alternative is not born out of rebellion against the modern church, but rather a recognition that an organic gathering of people, not simply around weekly services, but around community meals, prayer, and acts of justice and mercy provide greater opportunity to see and be Christ to our hurting neighborhoods and world.
Arranging afterthoughts
around something too
monumental
to be an afterward
a negligible note
tied upon
a string's finger
nearly forgotten
Yet worthy of
an Old Testament Altar
Beckoning prostrate
Remembrance
Since hearing Donald Miller speak at the next gen summit last year about our lives in terms of narrative, my perspective has been tuned into the quality of my own story. This theme of our lives as stories is repeated in The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis as the authors encourage their readers to see their lives in terms of the grand story of redemption. One thing I enjoy about Eldredge's writing is his use of dynamic quotes, and this book is no exception. The one that stood out to me this time is from Shakespeare's Macbeth:
I am sick at heart...
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time;
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound a fury,
Signifying nothing. (Act V, Scene V)
Although this sounds like it could have been written by Sartre or Camus in an attempt to convey existential angst, it challenges my life to act today to connect my life to a story bigger than my own day to day appetites and routine.
The only problem with this life as story concept is that in order for my life to be a good one, there must be significant conflict. I don't know how ready I am for this part of the drama.
Reading Henry Nouwen's book Beloved: Henri Nouwen in Conversation was more than a comforting call to pursue the contemplative life, but was to me rather a reminder of why I avoid solitude" it requires faith. In his language:
"it's an enormous act of faith to believe that if you start listening, you will hear something; or that if you enter into solitude, you will find intimacy; or that when you are silent you are not going to be dead silent" [41]
This book challenged and inspired me to see the solitude built into my lifestyle as a gift, and yet if I am honest I fear that seeking God will drive me away from belief if my soul hears an echo where I most hope to find the Savior.
One of the moments that stands out with distinct clarity from our recent trip to Haiti is praying for a woman with a skin disease in her mud and stick walled, dirt floor house. There were 12 of us crammed into this little dark room and the sick woman told us she wanted to accept Jesus. When asked why she said plainly, “because I want to get better”. These words resounded in my mind as I went through the week encountering much more sickness, starvation, and desperate poverty. At first I was critical of this attitude, for presumably this desire for religious power for physical healing was also the reason that so many people had chosen to participate in voodoo rituals.
When we went to each village telling people about Jesus and giving out rice, it seemed that people’s response to God was also motivated by a desire to be fed. This perspective of seeing God as a means to some personal end reminded me of what repulses me so much about the prosperity gospel in America. Giving tithe and one’s faith to God for the sake of material blessing seems so contrary to the call of Christ to take up the cross and deny oneself. As the week wore on however my heart softened to the people as I began to put myself in their place as much as my limited imagination could allow. In a desperate situation embracing God as the source of tangible physical help seemed like a reasonable assumption that wasn’t exactly foreign to the gospel of salvation.
Perhaps knowing God as healer and provider prior to any theological understanding of the cross might be a sort of improvement upon many Western Christian’s intellectual understanding without any tangible dependence on God for daily life. I’ve noticed my view of the gospel becoming more simple following my trip to Haiti. If we truly believe that Jesus can do miracles of healing and provision offering his power as the answer to need is foundational to understanding the gospel of rescue.
A video of our family trip to Haiti my talented husband put together
